They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
