Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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