I can feel you judging me through the phone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bring money and cleavage
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
