I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
