You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
