he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
