If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
