Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
