piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
