You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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