Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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