ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
