I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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