..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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