Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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