My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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