Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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