The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
