i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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