you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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