you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
