People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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