The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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