i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My penis needs a shock collar
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
