"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
