Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
