pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
