wrigley field is MILF paradise
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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