She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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