Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
