I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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