Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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