my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
