I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
