I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
