broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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