i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
