FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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