I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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