insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Are my feet made of real feet?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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