i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
