Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
