After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
