Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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