my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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