I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
