After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
