I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
