I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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