i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
