Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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